Ep. 215 "Plague Survivor" (Your host is back!)

[00:00:00] Hello diary listeners. Wow, it's so nice to be able to speak again. So this week I'm

[00:00:10] calling Plague Survivor because that's uh that's been my experience for the past week.

[00:00:20] Welcome to The Apprenticeship Diaries where raw meats refine. Let's be real we're still

[00:00:24] working on refining. What it took, what it takes and the stories that are made.

[00:00:29] Join us as we learn from professionals about how their stories begin.

[00:00:43] As uh, App listeners well know I was out last week. I had hoped to recover soon enough that I might be able to put out a late diary entry last week.

[00:00:54] I didn't have a pre-recorded show to offer all of you. I also barely had the energy to do much outside of um just general coordination of um

[00:01:06] I have a guest spot uh coming up this week at Dapper Dog in Annapolis and uh it was everything I had in me to um

[00:01:16] move all the appointments that I had for last week and and uh prepare for this week at a shop I've never worked at before.

[00:01:26] So it was it was quite a quite a bit and then just honestly relax enough to truly heal. It was an interesting illness honestly.

[00:01:39] It's something that I've never really experienced before. It it felt like I was getting sick for about three days and then it didn't finally reach its full blossom until like four days in

[00:01:53] and then it was like it was it was like a few days of just unending um sickness that just felt like it was going to take forever.

[00:02:05] I mean it really didn't feel like it was going to end and uh it was persistent. I don't know what it was.

[00:02:13] I can't say if it was COVID or not. It struck me as a lot of things. It was not the same as when I had COVID two times two times prior to this but that was years ago.

[00:02:28] I don't know what's happened to that virus since since I had it last. All I can say is that it was persistent and it definitely was contagious because I know the exact moment I caught it.

[00:02:42] I relaxed with Rico. He he had had it for a considerable amount of time and in my mind I was thinking well maybe maybe it could be just an exacerbation because Rico doesn't really slow down well or take much

[00:03:03] you know the classic things that you do drinking tea and resting and stopping and and taking yourself out of a lot of physical aspects of life. He he just keeps pressing on and I was thinking to myself well maybe he's just he's having a

[00:03:24] perpetuation of this of this because he doesn't stop and he isn't doing the things that I would do to make sure that I conquer this sooner. And you know I had to be very diligent with like you know making sure that he took

[00:03:46] medication for it suppressing it so I was just thinking well maybe maybe his is just lasting so long because he's not he's not doing the things that you know I would do in order to combat it.

[00:03:59] I I found out that that wasn't true. We relaxed in a time when he was you know kind of seeming like he was getting over it a bit and I had been avoiding him all week and truly trying to just be like hey you know like let's keep our faces away from each other

[00:04:22] let's in general try to maintain space as much as two people who live together sleep next to each other can I was we were both like changing sheets and washing things and just out of nowhere I kissed him and

[00:04:37] and I remember the exact moment that that happened that I that I was like oh and he was like oh he's like go wash your mouth out and I was like no it's done you know like I'm not going to go wash my mouth out if I get sick I get sick and that's what did it diary listeners.

[00:04:56] That's what did it.

[00:04:59] So, but and it kind of sucks because there was a lot that I wanted to kind of talk about that was really cool the week prior.

[00:05:10] I had been on realm of collectors and shelf gravy with my friend JD brochus and his wife Chan and they they do a regular YouTube meet on Wednesday evenings and it's basically it's really cool man and and I went over JD's home while JD and Chan's home and it's

[00:05:40] their life is an experience listeners I mean it is incredible the home that they have created and I

[00:05:50] it's it's it's beyond words honestly it's really what I think if you remove what societal expectations put on on you as a person what you can do I mean really it was like watching I was like in a show that you watch on TV about people who create their own space

[00:06:20] and it was unbelievable the space that they have created they are continuing to create for themselves because it's far from done but the level of creation that their home is right now and it's such a cool home I believe that he said that it wasn't completed originally until like 1870

[00:06:42] and it had originally been constructed for one of the owners of the steel mills and it's really cool because it's way up on top of a hill in PA and so and you can tell why the you know the owner of the steel mill would want to have this location because he could actually see the entire landscape of the mill that that he ran

[00:07:12] and it was a really great onlooker to the whole the whole thing and so it has this epic view beautiful big windows lots of light just gorgeous and and then it got bought by the Catholic church and it was an unnery for a while

[00:07:31] or convent I guess and that's also a really cool you know background but they're doing a lot of incredible things with the architecture of the space and on top of it their collectors and when I say collectors they do they collect miniatures of almost everything that you can think of

[00:07:58] movies there's different lines and miniatures different lines of you know action hero figures

[00:08:07] JD does custom builds he they create their own their their own I guess what would you call them set ups you know like

[00:08:21] it's like doll houses but for like action figures and and they personalize and construct all of these different things the only thing that I can say that that in my experience that I

[00:08:35] can equivocate it to is there is a YouTube channel that I follow and of course I am blanking on it right now I'm going to look up it in the moment that I am blanking on it so that I can

[00:08:52] belay it to you but it's this girl that just basically creates all of the different

[00:09:01] that you know she just she makes everything she like harms styrofoam and she creates these awesome spaces and it's just incredible

[00:09:12] and let's see here if she pops up for me

[00:09:17] and of course it gives me the latest of what I'm following and what what my subscriptions are to what I like here

[00:09:26] thank God this is a podcast that you guys expect me to be not polished on praise God

[00:09:38] of course she's not popping up but she was what was what was her thing maybe she'll pop up with the thing that she did really cool resin paintings like she did

[00:09:55] layered resin paintings

[00:09:59] resin paintings

[00:10:03] and I found her through that here she is oh nerd forge that was her name on her channel nerd forge she's like epic she's huge I'm so happy that came up

[00:10:16] I am I follow her I well I guess I didn't follow her now I'm subscribed to her it's so stupid because I loved her but she's awesome

[00:10:31] and her channel on YouTube has grown and grown and grown she does so many epic things but basically what she does on a regular basis is what JD and his cohorts and wife and everybody get together and do regularly

[00:10:46] every I think it's every other Wednesday that they meet at like nine nine thirty on YouTube live and they stream live and they share whatever their building or working on with you

[00:11:01] they open up things they reveal certain collector items they they show you the packaging whether or not it's worth it

[00:11:06] that's worth it share information and let me just say that if if you saw this home that I got to experience I'm I just I feel so blessed to know somebody like JD and I've known him for a few years now

[00:11:25] and I cannot even believe that I didn't realize how amazingly awesome he is and his wife like their relationship I told him when I was leaving I was like your life is an experience man

[00:11:42] and his house is an experience and being on their show was such a great honor and experience I hope I hope that I landed something to it but I joined all of them I I am not a collector of anything like that

[00:12:02] I my house is a collection of my clients I guess and it's it's random it has notes of the same kind of spirit as him and Chan but nothing nothing to the scale of it I mean the the if if you want to dream

[00:12:25] going in their home and seeing all that they've done to to to their space into their lives and what they've given themselves I think permission to be is so epically cool

[00:12:41] and I and it's just so massively creative and I'm I'm just overwhelmed by it honestly there's there's not really enough I can say and I don't really think that they're

[00:12:59] I mean I don't know I haven't frequent their channel enough to see the progress of it but

[00:13:10] you know these clips that you get on the internet I just it's nothing compared to

[00:13:18] the actuality it's it's just a glimpse of just how awesome it is when when you get to feel it and experience it in person it's just so awesome I mean I'm I'm I'm assuming I'm talking to a lot of people who

[00:13:39] if you're a listener you are interested in tattooing your you are in an apprenticeship journey of your own you've run across me and some kind of time and space and so

[00:13:53] you know you are drawn to these aspects of life that really make you have to put yourself personally physically in alignment with it and so I'm I'm sure that whatever you know whoever's listening already understands that

[00:14:14] that nothing can compare to the actuality of it but if if you want a really good reference to this I interviewed JD a few podcasts ago and I would ask you to

[00:14:34] re invest in listening to his again and then check out again his his show on Wednesday nights it's it's not his show it's a it's a group show he he joined it a while ago but it's just so cool and

[00:14:51] and these these other guys that I got to meet were really awesome and you know one of one of the guys joined us late and like seeing what he was working on in his home and then you know everybody's meeting each other as far as personality

[00:15:11] wise it's just super cool man I'm a nerd like I'm a nerd if nothing else and you know I'm I'm sure that the show draws in nothing but nerds so that's I really wanted to report about that I guess I am right now and just

[00:15:31] did but you know I it's closer when it's and I'm able to give more account of that as as it happens. I think I think the big thing is that I'm just so excited to be back and to be putting out a show which is I guess going to segue us into what my next

[00:15:57] announcement is it's not going to be a formal announcement just because I don't really know the direction yet but I am seeking to rebrand the show a bit not not anything in terms of the name apprenticeship diary stays that's what it is

[00:16:15] but I but I want to start playing with it a little bit more and I'm willing to be more of a regular host on it. The original want was to introduce you to all my friends I think that that will be a continued aspect of the show

[00:16:37] I do want to share that I do want to welcome as many people as who would like to be on the show on it. And I the big thing about that is that I want it to be very organic and very based in who's most passionate about doing a podcast.

[00:16:57] So you know if you are really motivated to be on a podcast or do something like this whatever stage you are in your journey I really hope that you will reach out because you know I've now interviewed people of all different levels of their journey and there's

[00:17:16] no magic about I'm not magic I mean it's just it's just something awesome awesome is a better word because there's there's nothing magical about it it's just it's awesome about recording a time stamp in your life and and having that time to really process where

[00:17:41] you are where you want to go and discuss that with another individual who is more unb you know lacking in bias to your life and can give you a projection that is a you know probably a very different perspective and then you know to put that out as as a public thing

[00:18:06] that also is a is a huge thing because I think that just having the courage to be seen at any phase of our experience is what it takes I think ultimately to be successful in the end because you have to be willing to be observed critiqued examined

[00:18:33] and not just on a personal level but in a grand scale and I think that people who are truly successful desire that kind of scrutiny.

[00:18:45] So if you embrace it on this level, I think that you can you can graduate into more and more levels of of I don't know of awesomeness of awesomeness and don't we all just want to be awesome.

[00:19:07] So I really want to lighten the look of the show when I look at the Instagram feed it's very dark to me like overall the colors are very dark it's it and I started it out that way like kind of brooding and you know black and white meets red and I like that because I think that

[00:19:31] you know there there is the extremes of black and white and then you know red is such a great catching color kind of the lifeblood of something but overall it has been very dark and I don't think there's been enough light enough white given to things so I might reverse

[00:19:58] a bit of the backgrounds I've made a lot of backgrounds black with white. I think I might reverse that.

[00:20:05] I also think that my emblem for this podcast needs to change mostly because I as Sarah Swatty was the Indian goddess that I was I was exploring and it was mostly because Rico was like we know you've got to have you've got to have a logo or an emblem that

[00:20:35] is very easily registered and seen and replicated and printed and I agreed with him and the Starbucks siren and their emblem is very catching and it's something that people you know in the way it's formulated they recognize and are very drawn to at this point so

[00:20:58] I kind of did a parody or spin off of that as my template and I formulated the the apprenticeship diaries emblem with Sarah Swatty as the as the goddess that I was exploring because she's the Indian goddess of education

[00:21:18] it's not that I feel like that's invalid I'm going to keep it as something that I offer as I think things that you can order off of T-public and things like that like if you wanted to get materials like that if you haven't gotten it already I don't know why you would now but

[00:21:45] just as kind of like a moving a moving historical account of the show I'm not going to limit anybody's attachment to that emblem but I also feel like

[00:22:01] as far as my spiritual connection to things I utilize that goddess because she worked at the time she worked for what I was aiming to create

[00:22:13] the the the emblem that needed to in my mind kind of parody off of the Starbucks siren which I was using as my template and then the mission the mode of the goddess

[00:22:30] I in general want to focus more in alignment with the original thought of this podcast which was very centered around just apprenticeship and learning and diaries

[00:22:52] because I think that this show has become more of just a regular diary submission and and that is kind of the beauty of it and I would like to I think step into more of that because I'm really enjoying just documenting and

[00:23:17] yeah documenting and what kind of forms that takes I want to play with that a bit I want to encourage journaling of all kinds to people whether it be like this something spoken recorded

[00:23:36] I I I really want to focus more on that because I think within that what I found with having a regular podcast weekly and and submitting myself regularly to the habit of this task has been monumental to my life

[00:24:01] and you know I think that trying to re invoke what I was starting with calligraphy copying the Bible you know re investing in these things would be a great focus for the show

[00:24:20] and I kind of want to give more to that I also would like to share with the audience a lot more of what I'm finding out spiritually and and organizationally

[00:24:37] I don't know how to put it I guess this is all just very ad libt right now

[00:24:45] I I want to share with all of you kind of the order of things that I am learning one of the things that I announced a couple weeks ago was that I was going to start marriage counseling with Rico

[00:25:03] and that's happening and it was kind of it was kind of fun to see how that initial announcement was received everybody's excited about weddings it's it's so funny to me

[00:25:18] because it's just nothing that I have really cared that much about to be honest with everyone

[00:25:28] most I think little girls at least in my experience my friends growing up always you know thought about their marriage and dreamt about that day and how it would look and things like that and that was just never

[00:25:43] that was never a thing for me

[00:25:47] I think for me I really like all of the creation of the aspects of a wedding like I like the backstage work like you know

[00:25:57] I would I would want to make the flowers I would want to decorate the bride I would want to help you you know pick out your dress or you know and you know so I've I've always been I guess the brides made and never the bride

[00:26:15] and I'm I've been very content with that role but it has not ever been something that I have thought about for myself and so now walking into doing this with someone that I really want to be married with

[00:26:32] and to even understand marriage from a place that matters to me that I that I really want to do for the reasons that marriage was originally founded in is wonderful to me and you know I'd like the show to kind of move more into the kind of things that I'm learning spiritually

[00:26:59] and share that with all of you

[00:27:04] they are

[00:27:06] they have been just life changing

[00:27:08] and I'm I'm truly feeling pulled in a way to communicate them because it's been so expansive for myself

[00:27:19] and given such meaning to things that I didn't realize I cared about

[00:27:26] that I want to share it with everyone

[00:27:31] and it's it's been funny because as of late

[00:27:34] I've been connecting with friends of mine that

[00:27:38] about these kind of things and and sharing

[00:27:44] our concepts of life and like you know even just like our concepts of things like marriage

[00:27:52] what they are to us and how they can be constructed

[00:27:56] and the individual nature of those things and

[00:28:02] and

[00:28:04] what

[00:28:06] what

[00:28:08] what does it mean when it means something and what does it look like when it means something what does it mean to you

[00:28:14] and what was the original

[00:28:17] what was the original foundational principle of this thing so

[00:28:21] I'm really nerding out when it comes to these things

[00:28:24] and it's specifically being driven by my investment in

[00:28:30] the Bible and reading the Bible

[00:28:34] I'm just really enjoying it

[00:28:37] and

[00:28:39] I want to share this more with all of you

[00:28:44] as this podcast progresses

[00:28:47] and I I'm I'm realized that I am risking a lot because I'm going to lose a lot of followers as a result of this

[00:28:57] a lot of people I mean I don't know I don't know with every with every door

[00:29:03] that closes another couple seem to open so and I do think that that's the beauty of taking the kind of leaps

[00:29:11] that God asks us to take in our

[00:29:15] our lives when we're seeking our betterment

[00:29:19] and that's what I found through my spiritual journey is

[00:29:24] this and I've been I've been seeking

[00:29:27] I've had a spiritual journey my

[00:29:30] like my whole life

[00:29:32] but it isn't till recently that I found

[00:29:35] such

[00:29:38] peace and such

[00:29:39] crazy

[00:29:41] involvement and not crazy it's

[00:29:44] it just such great

[00:29:50] I'm just I'm just in love with it guys

[00:29:53] just in love with it

[00:29:55] and I want to talk about it

[00:29:57] and I want to talk about it

[00:29:59] because I don't

[00:30:01] I don't think a lot of people are aware of certain things I know I certainly wasn't

[00:30:06] I want to talk about it because I think that

[00:30:09] it comes up

[00:30:11] more often than

[00:30:14] not

[00:30:16] and especially because the general premise

[00:30:19] that most people think in civilized

[00:30:22] conversation is that you don't talk about religion and politics and

[00:30:27] I think that's

[00:30:29] a problem because we have

[00:30:31] suppressed that so long

[00:30:34] that now

[00:30:37] it's like how many

[00:30:41] the conversation always leads there for me

[00:30:45] and I find myself always getting there

[00:30:48] and I can't I

[00:30:51] I really don't feel like I can avoid it so I have to just lean into it

[00:30:55] and be willing to

[00:30:58] share this come hell or high water

[00:31:01] and even that phrase you know like it's that's biblical

[00:31:06] you know that's

[00:31:08] that's a biblical phrase come hell or high water

[00:31:13] and I would like to

[00:31:18] share with you all of you

[00:31:20] the things that I'm learning for instance one thing that

[00:31:25] was traditionally recognized at this season of the year

[00:31:30] between Mother's Day and Father's Day was the celebration of

[00:31:35] the traditional family

[00:31:37] and most people don't realize that there are tears of

[00:31:43] governance and government

[00:31:45] first being there's four

[00:31:48] big ones

[00:31:50] and there's

[00:31:52] I hope I can remember this for beat them we're going to

[00:31:55] we're going to test me and see if I can

[00:31:57] but the first is self-government

[00:32:00] but self-government

[00:32:02] requires

[00:32:05] moral

[00:32:07] conditioning and influence

[00:32:10] so in order to self-govern properly

[00:32:14] you do need

[00:32:17] because you're not just a free-floating entity in space

[00:32:20] so if you didn't have any conflicting bodies or matter

[00:32:24] to self-governance there would be no conflict right so then

[00:32:29] there would be nothing really to govern because there would be

[00:32:32] no conflict

[00:32:34] so there's self-governance but self-governance is not one that

[00:32:37] you can really

[00:32:39] look to as a government unit per se because

[00:32:43] it doesn't involve more than one person

[00:32:47] there's family

[00:32:49] there's church

[00:32:51] and then there's civil

[00:32:53] and then there's the

[00:32:56] the most

[00:32:58] the most things in our lives

[00:33:01] and has the most

[00:33:05] influence over things

[00:33:07] and next would be the church that takes over after that

[00:33:11] and the civil government is really

[00:33:15] just supposed to protect

[00:33:18] those other two

[00:33:20] and

[00:33:22] divvy out civil justice when it comes to a gross

[00:33:27] civil misconduct

[00:33:29] like murder

[00:33:32] but family

[00:33:34] handles

[00:33:36] children

[00:33:38] the raising of children, the education of children

[00:33:41] business

[00:33:44] inheritance

[00:33:46] what else, a property

[00:33:48] the families

[00:33:50] biblically

[00:33:52] were

[00:33:54] the governance of these things

[00:33:56] civil government was never

[00:33:58] ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever

[00:34:01] supposed to have

[00:34:03] the kind of

[00:34:05] influence that it does today

[00:34:08] in any of those things

[00:34:10] and the reason why I bring this up

[00:34:13] is because of late I feel like a big problem

[00:34:16] in America today at least

[00:34:19] I do think this is universal

[00:34:22] but I do think that America

[00:34:25] in our foundation was set more on these principles

[00:34:30] because the people who

[00:34:32] founded our documents

[00:34:34] were students of the Bible

[00:34:37] and they understood it very well

[00:34:39] and they utilize the Bible

[00:34:42] as a direct

[00:34:44] direct

[00:34:46] you know, a direct

[00:34:48] writing

[00:34:50] to influence the construction of the US Constitution

[00:34:55] and it was

[00:34:57] that

[00:34:59] study and influence

[00:35:01] that had them

[00:35:03] very much so recognize

[00:35:05] the immense injustices that were happening

[00:35:08] in

[00:35:10] England

[00:35:11] where they were escaping from

[00:35:13] and when they compared it to principles of faith

[00:35:16] in the Bible they realized how

[00:35:18] off

[00:35:20] their governance was

[00:35:22] in England

[00:35:24] and that's why they were

[00:35:27] seeking

[00:35:29] you know, separation

[00:35:31] and they declared their independence from that

[00:35:34] that system of rule

[00:35:36] so

[00:35:38] when we understand

[00:35:39] why people did the things they did

[00:35:43] and what these things were founded on

[00:35:46] and the principles that they were founded on

[00:35:48] we can then

[00:35:50] track it back to a place of

[00:35:55] I think at the very least something stable

[00:36:00] what I see now is that we have

[00:36:05] we have given up so much

[00:36:08] of our liberty and so much of our control to entities

[00:36:11] that should have never ever

[00:36:13] ever ever ever

[00:36:15] been able to take that from us that

[00:36:20] I mean

[00:36:25] the within this podcast if I can

[00:36:29] if I can share with a few people

[00:36:31] at least what I am learning

[00:36:34] that will have

[00:36:36] helped me spread

[00:36:40] spread truth as far as I can tell

[00:36:43] and be an integral action on my part

[00:36:46] but as far as the grand scheme of things

[00:36:49] and what I see in this country right now

[00:36:51] we have completely flipped

[00:36:55] everything on its ass

[00:36:57] and the destruction of the traditional

[00:37:00] and nuclear family has been

[00:37:02] a very pointed effort

[00:37:05] in this country

[00:37:06] and the reasons for that are immense

[00:37:09] because power structures have always

[00:37:13] always always always

[00:37:15] sought to destroy that

[00:37:18] governance

[00:37:20] because if that governance is strong

[00:37:23] and as it should be

[00:37:25] then the civil government can actually have

[00:37:28] no power

[00:37:30] and that's not how they would like it

[00:37:33] they would like to have more power

[00:37:35] than they should have

[00:37:37] and

[00:37:39] you know everyone that's what we escaped

[00:37:42] when we escaped England

[00:37:44] when we came here

[00:37:46] and when the people of this country decided

[00:37:49] that it was worth sacrificing

[00:37:53] themselves and their children

[00:37:55] to this effort

[00:37:56] their entire futures to this effort

[00:38:01] of rewriting

[00:38:03] their futures

[00:38:06] and risking all

[00:38:08] to create this place

[00:38:09] in the space

[00:38:10] this opportunity

[00:38:12] that everyone of this generation

[00:38:14] has had the very amazing privilege

[00:38:18] of

[00:38:20] enjoying

[00:38:23] you know I think it's very important

[00:38:25] for us to understand that

[00:38:27] and to

[00:38:29] understand what they were escaping

[00:38:32] and they were escaping a system of governance

[00:38:35] that had flipped everything

[00:38:38] on its ass

[00:38:40] and devalued the family

[00:38:42] and taking control of every aspect

[00:38:45] of what we are supposed to have

[00:38:48] free in this country

[00:38:50] and our constitution is written with that

[00:38:52] you know the way it is constructed

[00:38:54] is supposed to recognize

[00:38:58] our inalienable rights

[00:39:01] and

[00:39:03] it's to life, liberty

[00:39:05] and the pursuit of happiness

[00:39:07] and for all

[00:39:10] and this country has gone through many different waves

[00:39:13] and it is not perfect

[00:39:14] I mean

[00:39:15] if you study the Bible

[00:39:17] and you study human nature itself

[00:39:19] it'll tell you right away

[00:39:21] how to manage your expectations

[00:39:25] and how to approach

[00:39:28] everything well

[00:39:31] within

[00:39:33] within what to expect from people

[00:39:38] you know but those inalienable rights

[00:39:41] they come and are besetowed

[00:39:43] by our creator

[00:39:45] and they're things that cannot be taken away

[00:39:48] that's what makes them inalienable

[00:39:51] is that they cannot be removed from us

[00:39:53] no matter

[00:39:55] no matter who seems

[00:39:57] you know seeks to take those things

[00:40:00] and

[00:40:02] you know I think that

[00:40:05] the way that people have been taught

[00:40:07] nowadays is very faulty

[00:40:09] because

[00:40:11] they

[00:40:12] and I am not

[00:40:14] I am not claiming

[00:40:17] anything better because it took me about 40 years

[00:40:20] to fully immerse myself

[00:40:23] in

[00:40:25] different avenues of thought

[00:40:27] explore a bunch of things

[00:40:29] like I said

[00:40:31] Sarah Swati

[00:40:33] was the goddess that I chose

[00:40:35] as a moniker of this podcast

[00:40:37] and now I am thinking in a different way

[00:40:41] so as you guys are hearing

[00:40:43] there's a shift that's happening

[00:40:45] and it's a growth

[00:40:47] and

[00:40:49] I hope it's understanding that

[00:40:52] that we should be in a moving kind of state

[00:40:55] towards our betterment always

[00:40:57] and that's what being educated

[00:40:59] is all about

[00:41:01] and you cannot

[00:41:03] fill a cup that is already full

[00:41:06] and I said this earlier today

[00:41:10] but a great mentor of mine

[00:41:12] basically said that if you think you know everything

[00:41:16] well then you're done

[00:41:17] you're done

[00:41:18] you're ready to die

[00:41:20] so do not be that arrogant

[00:41:23] and do not be that

[00:41:27] you know

[00:41:29] I think satisfied

[00:41:31] with who you are and what you are

[00:41:33] it's okay to love yourself but

[00:41:35] what I'm getting at is that we're all flawed

[00:41:39] and

[00:41:40] I think that

[00:41:42] understanding the flaws that we have

[00:41:45] is very important in how we can love one another

[00:41:51] and then

[00:41:53] understanding

[00:41:57] who and what

[00:42:00] these principles of our government

[00:42:03] and governance were founded on

[00:42:06] and why they were founded as they were

[00:42:10] with this incredible ideal

[00:42:14] and

[00:42:16] highest order

[00:42:20] which is God

[00:42:22] to understand and seek understanding

[00:42:25] and that relationship

[00:42:28] is probably what we all should really aim for

[00:42:32] and again I don't think that any one of us should

[00:42:36] think that we know

[00:42:38] it should be about listening

[00:42:40] so if you're listening to me

[00:42:42] you're already really

[00:42:44] really primed for this kind of thing

[00:42:48] because you're already showing that you have the ability

[00:42:51] to stop and listen

[00:42:55] but I want to make everyone aware

[00:42:58] that I am looking to shift things with this podcast

[00:43:01] in both look

[00:43:03] and symbolically these things all matter to me

[00:43:07] because you know once you realize that everything matters

[00:43:10] then it does and

[00:43:14] I'm finding a conflict with

[00:43:18] recognizing a deity that I don't really know

[00:43:22] Sarah Swati

[00:43:23] I think is pretty cool

[00:43:25] but I'm not Indian

[00:43:27] I didn't grow up with an eastern philosophy of things

[00:43:30] I'm not Buddhist

[00:43:32] I'm not

[00:43:34] Hindi

[00:43:37] I believe in a Trinitarian God

[00:43:40] and I want to

[00:43:43] talk about that

[00:43:45] and I would like that to be as

[00:43:48] foundational in this podcast

[00:43:51] as it is becoming for every aspect of my life

[00:43:55] and admitting that

[00:43:57] and just being very very clear and very honest about that

[00:44:00] and very truthful

[00:44:02] I'm not trying to cancel or discount

[00:44:07] anything up into this point

[00:44:10] it's all been integral

[00:44:12] it's all been me

[00:44:14] investing time and exploring and pushing and looking

[00:44:17] and seeking

[00:44:19] and I hope it will continue to be that

[00:44:23] it will be because

[00:44:25] I just so you all know I haven't even read the entire Bible yet

[00:44:29] so it will be that

[00:44:32] but I

[00:44:35] I want to focus there

[00:44:37] and I'm really being called to it

[00:44:40] and so I guess at this point if

[00:44:44] if you came here because you wanted to

[00:44:47] listen to a bunch of tattoo artists talk about their

[00:44:50] experience learning

[00:44:52] you might want to look out for the times

[00:44:55] that I have a tattoo artist on as a guest

[00:44:58] and that might be your only listening pleasure

[00:45:01] if you were drawn to this because

[00:45:04] you truly

[00:45:06] like me

[00:45:08] and like listening to me and

[00:45:11] the voice that

[00:45:13] that you appreciate and enjoy

[00:45:16] then

[00:45:18] I think you'll want to continue listening

[00:45:21] because my voice

[00:45:23] apart from being infected with plague

[00:45:26] and I'm sure you can still hear a little bit of it

[00:45:29] is pretty consistent

[00:45:31] and so

[00:45:33] hopefully that will continue to

[00:45:36] meet your expectations and grow and be better and better

[00:45:39] and then

[00:45:41] you know if

[00:45:43] you're repulsed by any

[00:45:45] mention

[00:45:47] of God

[00:45:49] or the Bible or anything like that

[00:45:51] I hope you'll do yourself the favor

[00:45:53] of excusing yourself

[00:45:55] and finding your own

[00:45:57] journey I suppose

[00:45:59] you will be going with my prayers for you

[00:46:03] I want the best for you and I

[00:46:06] I understand

[00:46:08] I at least

[00:46:10] I understand it so much as that I

[00:46:12] it took me a very long time

[00:46:15] to be sure about this

[00:46:17] and to

[00:46:19] really want it

[00:46:21] and to invest myself as I am

[00:46:23] right now

[00:46:25] so I understand and

[00:46:29] you know

[00:46:30] all I can say is God bless

[00:46:32] and peace be with you

[00:46:34] in all things that you do

[00:46:36] and I pray that

[00:46:38] you will continue to grow

[00:46:40] as a human being and better yourself

[00:46:42] but we are

[00:46:44] we're all at different paces

[00:46:46] and even within

[00:46:48] even within

[00:46:51] being in Christ

[00:46:53] and studying

[00:46:56] you know what that even means

[00:46:58] our walk it's all different

[00:47:00] depending on who you are

[00:47:02] we're all gifted with different things

[00:47:06] our walks and our concentrations

[00:47:08] our beings are endowed

[00:47:11] with different

[00:47:13] you know

[00:47:15] strengths and

[00:47:17] we're all meant to interpret

[00:47:19] and express

[00:47:20] in our own ways

[00:47:22] and so I

[00:47:24] I just

[00:47:25] I want the best for everyone

[00:47:27] so I

[00:47:30] if you have to leave

[00:47:32] I want you to know that I love you very much

[00:47:34] and I appreciate it

[00:47:36] because I think that

[00:47:38] that's a loving act

[00:47:39] that you're doing for yourself

[00:47:41] if you know that you're not going to enjoy your time here

[00:47:43] why bother

[00:47:45] why bother

[00:47:47] you know

[00:47:48] and

[00:47:50] as far as the rest

[00:47:52] I would like to ask listeners

[00:47:54] if you could do me the favor of praying for me

[00:47:56] as I

[00:47:57] meditate on what's next

[00:47:59] I've been saying this for a couple weeks now

[00:48:01] I'm sorry if it was repetitive

[00:48:04] but this is truly how it works

[00:48:08] for me

[00:48:09] and I do think it how it works in general is that

[00:48:13] you have to open yourself up

[00:48:16] to really listening

[00:48:17] and feeling out all

[00:48:20] that is coming to you

[00:48:23] and reorder it as it comes

[00:48:26] and you

[00:48:28] you can't force it

[00:48:30] I don't know if I've shared this

[00:48:32] or not

[00:48:33] I think I have maybe

[00:48:35] but I'll re-inerate it

[00:48:37] because I think it's important

[00:48:39] a friend of mine

[00:48:41] Tara she's actually been on the show

[00:48:43] asked me about my journey

[00:48:45] my spiritual journey

[00:48:46] and she asked if it has made me

[00:48:48] better around other people

[00:48:50] and the answer to that is yes

[00:48:52] but better in whose estimation

[00:48:54] I think is the key to that

[00:48:57] because

[00:48:59] there's so many things to examine

[00:49:01] within that statement

[00:49:04] first of all

[00:49:06] as I was getting at

[00:49:07] we have to know

[00:49:09] the order of things

[00:49:10] in order to understand whether or not

[00:49:13] the relationship is balanced right

[00:49:16] so

[00:49:18] I

[00:49:19] before this

[00:49:21] this time in my life where I've been

[00:49:23] exploring my faith and

[00:49:26] the Bible and all of these different things

[00:49:31] I feel like I was a person who

[00:49:33] honestly let people get away with way too much

[00:49:36] I gave them far too many excuses

[00:49:38] far too much of my time

[00:49:40] far too much of everything

[00:49:43] and I think that I

[00:49:45] didn't

[00:49:47] expel and have enough love for myself

[00:49:52] and for my own journey

[00:49:54] in order to keep

[00:49:56] the relationship between me

[00:49:58] and another person balanced so

[00:50:02] this most recent time in my life

[00:50:05] has been a reordering of things

[00:50:07] it's been very hard for me

[00:50:09] because I've had to

[00:50:12] learn new habits

[00:50:13] new ways of compoting myself with other people

[00:50:18] and it's been challenging because

[00:50:22] I know a lot of things

[00:50:27] first of all are misinterpreted as

[00:50:29] mean or unkind or those things

[00:50:32] because simply

[00:50:33] if you're reordering things

[00:50:35] in alignment with what profits everyone

[00:50:39] if you're dealing with a bunch of people

[00:50:41] who have been given too much leeway

[00:50:43] for a long time

[00:50:45] they're going to feel very

[00:50:48] very

[00:50:53] infringed upon at this point

[00:50:55] and so there's been a lot of pruning

[00:50:58] of my trees lately

[00:51:01] so when Tara asked me

[00:51:03] how my relationships have been with other people

[00:51:05] they have been in fact better

[00:51:09] but

[00:51:12] there has been instead of

[00:51:15] instead of

[00:51:19] there's been an examination of myself

[00:51:22] and who I am

[00:51:24] and how much patience I actually have

[00:51:27] when it comes down to

[00:51:30] what I know my expectation should be

[00:51:32] of any individual

[00:51:34] and what I actually get from people

[00:51:37] and so there's been a lot of heartbreak

[00:51:39] a lot of disappointment

[00:51:41] a lot of frustration

[00:51:44] and there's been a lot of me reminding myself

[00:51:48] to that I am no better

[00:51:50] than anyone else

[00:51:52] so within that there's been just this immense amount of

[00:51:58] gross feeling that I've had

[00:52:03] which makes the title of this

[00:52:05] plague survivor

[00:52:07] I guess apropos

[00:52:09] because I think that that is how I have felt

[00:52:12] emerging from the sickness that I felt

[00:52:15] is that I was

[00:52:17] kind of reached the limits of my boundaries

[00:52:20] and my energy output at this point

[00:52:23] and I had been overdoing it

[00:52:25] and that's a cyclical thing for me

[00:52:28] and a thing that I keep doing to myself

[00:52:32] and I think emerging from it

[00:52:34] I am

[00:52:36] I'm going to very much so try not to do that

[00:52:39] and I hope that all of you will hold me accountable of that

[00:52:43] as I'm walking into so much

[00:52:46] that I'm trying to reorder

[00:52:48] and get

[00:52:50] to the kind of foundational stability

[00:52:53] that I think has potential of growth

[00:53:00] it doesn't feel good, diary listeners

[00:53:03] it really doesn't

[00:53:06] but

[00:53:08] it's honest

[00:53:10] it's the truth of my situation

[00:53:12] my hope is that this will matter to

[00:53:15] whoever's listening

[00:53:16] that it will be something that

[00:53:18] registers in your heart and that

[00:53:21] I know I'm not the only one who feels this way

[00:53:28] so I'm hoping that it speaks to you

[00:53:30] and I'm so grateful

[00:53:32] that I have the opportunity to share this

[00:53:35] with all of you

[00:53:37] and yeah, you know

[00:53:40] you can listen or you can not

[00:53:43] it's very free at this point

[00:53:46] but I

[00:53:48] I hope that

[00:53:51] I hope that the engagement that we have

[00:53:53] will grow the friendships, the connections

[00:53:57] will grow

[00:53:59] that all of us will rise

[00:54:01] very much so together

[00:54:03] I'm very excited for what's next

[00:54:05] and what things are moving forward in ways that I

[00:54:08] like I communicated earlier

[00:54:10] I never imagined they would

[00:54:13] I'm valuing things

[00:54:15] and I never thought I would value

[00:54:18] yeah, it's all pretty cool

[00:54:22] but I don't know much

[00:54:25] I don't know much to say

[00:54:28] about any one thing

[00:54:29] because I'm in such a state of movement

[00:54:32] and learning and healing

[00:54:34] and revisiting

[00:54:37] and examination that

[00:54:41] I don't have much to say

[00:54:43] except for I am moving towards marrying Rico

[00:54:47] so many of you have heard him on the show

[00:54:51] have experienced us in real time

[00:54:56] he's my guy, he's awesome

[00:54:59] and we're taking this walk together

[00:55:01] which is so

[00:55:03] I mean such a blessing

[00:55:05] and

[00:55:07] you know it's truly cool

[00:55:10] and

[00:55:13] we're doing counseling sessions together

[00:55:15] so that's the step we're in right now

[00:55:19] as far as getting married

[00:55:21] and just to let everyone know

[00:55:23] in regards to that there's

[00:55:25] I think five to six sessions with our pastor

[00:55:29] Pastor David Whitney

[00:55:31] and he goes over

[00:55:33] the traditional biblical

[00:55:35] understanding of marriage

[00:55:38] because that's where he is

[00:55:42] he is a biblical pastor

[00:55:47] he teaches the Bible

[00:55:49] he talks about the Bible

[00:55:51] he asserts the Bible

[00:55:53] and compares it to current events

[00:55:55] current happenings

[00:55:58] we all understand it

[00:56:00] and know it

[00:56:01] and state it as the direct word of God

[00:56:04] and what God's wants are for us

[00:56:08] it's the law

[00:56:09] that God has given us

[00:56:12] and his report

[00:56:15] that we can glean from

[00:56:17] should we choose

[00:56:19] so

[00:56:21] babe I'm still podcasting

[00:56:23] I'm sorry

[00:56:27] you can't do it

[00:56:33] I guess that means that I've talked

[00:56:35] for long enough

[00:56:37] but

[00:56:39] basically we're going through that

[00:56:42] we're learning this together

[00:56:44] it's very awesome

[00:56:45] I'm very grateful for Rico

[00:56:47] and his involvement

[00:56:50] in all of this

[00:56:52] because and that we're collaborating as a unit

[00:56:55] you think that that was just given

[00:56:58] but in my experience

[00:57:01] especially nowadays

[00:57:04] I don't think that people have

[00:57:09] a view of family

[00:57:11] a view of marriage

[00:57:13] a view of any of these things

[00:57:15] that have any foundational principles

[00:57:19] I think they're making it what they want it to be

[00:57:23] but within that if

[00:57:26] there isn't

[00:57:28] there isn't a

[00:57:33] at the very least

[00:57:36] a sincere collaboration between two people

[00:57:41] to very much so dedicate themselves

[00:57:45] foundationally to the same mission

[00:57:47] which is you know

[00:57:49] at its core

[00:57:51] I mean you know like

[00:57:53] that's not the biblical version

[00:57:55] but as far as order

[00:57:57] as far as like two people doing a thing together

[00:57:59] I mean how do you do that

[00:58:01] if you don't sit

[00:58:03] and you don't discuss it

[00:58:05] and you don't break it apart

[00:58:07] and you don't examine it

[00:58:09] so I'm very grateful

[00:58:11] for this time

[00:58:13] and for

[00:58:15] being led through it

[00:58:17] with such an incredible

[00:58:19] pastor and lead

[00:58:21] my pastor is

[00:58:23] such a gift he is

[00:58:25] truly unique

[00:58:27] and Rico he's such a blessing

[00:58:29] and even though

[00:58:31] even though he came in

[00:58:33] and tried to interrupt us just now

[00:58:37] you know

[00:58:39] he's my guy

[00:58:41] he constantly makes me happy

[00:58:43] so yeah diary listeners

[00:58:45] that's where I'm at

[00:58:47] I'm not fully recovered

[00:58:49] though I am covered enough to

[00:58:51] produce a show

[00:58:53] and speak to you all for almost an hour

[00:58:55] so with that

[00:58:57] I'll let you go

[00:58:59] with the rest of your week

[00:59:01] your day

[00:59:03] however much time you want to take away from the show

[00:59:05] now that you know

[00:59:07] what's going on

[00:59:09] and I thank you

[00:59:11] I thank you very much

[00:59:13] and I wish you a very powerful awesome week

[00:59:15] because we're all trying to be more awesome

[00:59:17] and

[00:59:19] God bless

[00:59:21] and pray for me

[00:59:23] I will be praying for you

[00:59:25] later listeners

[00:59:31] thanks for listening

[00:59:33] you can find the apprenticeship diaries on twitter, facebook and instagram

[00:59:35] our IG is

[00:59:37] the underscore apprenticeship underscore diaries

[00:59:39] if you would like to offer constructive criticism

[00:59:41] or an interview

[00:59:43] drop us an email at

[00:59:45] theapprenticeshipdiaries.com

[00:59:47] we look forward to hearing from our listeners