Ep. 282 "Signs and Wonders" (A Diary Entry from your Host)

[00:00:01] Diary listeners, hello and happy Tuesday. Man, it's been a while. I missed y'all. And I can't even say that this is going to be consistent. I just felt the urge to sit down and record something. Heck, I mean, if you guys end up hearing this, it means that I completely edited and published it.

[00:00:31] And it all worked out as it should. And it got released. This episode I'm calling Signs and Wonders. Welcome to The Apprenticeship Diaries, where raw meets refined. Let's be real, we're still working on refined. What it took, what it takes, and the stories that are made. Join us as we learn from professionals about how their stories begin.

[00:01:08] Signs and Wonders, because I pulled in today to my studio. So weird. Guys, my parents opened this hair salon way, way back. I was 12 when they opened a Second Glance hair salon.

[00:01:29] And so to be 45 now, and this building be in now my hands. It's not owned by me, but to be in my hands, to make into something awesome.

[00:01:50] It's a lot. It's surreal. It's been, I mean, you know, I hate, I don't know how to talk about this other than relating it to myself. There's definitely more awesome things that I see other people taking on that I can say, wow, wow. I'm snimied by this. I can't even imagine, I can't even imagine doing what you're doing.

[00:02:22] So this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. But to get back, pulling in, I mean, as you guys saw, my most recent post was that the signs are up. And it's an amazing feeling, guys. And happy September, by the way. It's September 1st, although I did think it was September 2nd.

[00:02:49] And I wish my brother a happy birthday early. Which he was like, hey, AIM, thanks for the birthday wish. You're like a full 14 hours early. You were the first, you and Rico. And I was like, oh my god. I don't even know what day it is. So, if you know my brother, Jared, wish him a happy birthday.

[00:03:19] So, tomorrow, September 2nd, will be his birthday. So, happy birthday, bro. I love you. And in all fairness, as I told him, everybody was wishing me a happy birthday early. And it was kind of giving me some low-key anxiety. Like, I hope I make it. So, hopefully it will be a call for my brother to slow down, reflect, depreciate. But he does that better than me anyway.

[00:03:47] So, you know, it's just his turn to be wished a happy birthday early. I put out a whole post. I put out a couple posts. I had to put out a retraction. I mean, this is where I'm at, guys. And so, to these signs. Like I said, I'm calling this signs and wonders. Because signs and wonders just kind of going to, like, you know, how God moves and works in you.

[00:04:16] And paying attention to these things. And how he speaks. And that's why this has been so hard. It's because ever since I've dared to walk with Christ, it has been like a full-scale assault on vice in me. And, um... I mean, like, my garden is being weeded continually.

[00:04:45] And it's just... I am such... I am such a not good person. I mean, I want to be a good person. And maybe that's, you know... In some... I think humans would look at me and be like, you're a good person. But I... Now, just knowing who I am and knowing how to account for myself and what God expects. I am... I am in need of so much. And so, it's really...

[00:05:15] As I said on my birthday. And when I put out the live. It's, uh... I've been praying more. I've been asking more. I need to be in the word more. Um... But I... I just have been kind of looking at my life and what will get me closer and closer to the things that I feel I'm being called to.

[00:05:45] And that's an interesting thing because it's not what I want. Um... It is what I want. Because I want what God wants for me. That's... That's my interest now. I want what God wants for me. But it's a weird thing, right? Because in order for you to respond to what God wants for you, you have to be very, very, um... Kind of locked in to what he expects.

[00:06:15] And, you know, it's a relationship. So, you have to be asking and listening all the time. And so, it's... It's a different way of going about things for me. Because I've always... I've always done what I want. And that was always the thing that I did. Was exactly what I wanted. Uh... And I'm sorry for the, like, background noises. If you guys catch anything, um... I have my second coffee of the day. And, uh...

[00:06:44] My chair is a little squeaky. I'm actually in the office space of my studio, which is pretty cool. It sounds pretty good in here. It sounds like it's got good sound quality. Um... Which is nice. I might have to do this more often. Um... But any of the background noise that you might hear, um... That's my chair and shuffling, whatnot. But, yeah, like, I, uh...

[00:07:13] I'm not really interested in what I want so much. Because what I want is what God wants for me. And that is why this has been hard. Because I don't... I don't know how to order it. And I'm not so sure if there is an order all the time. There's the... The standard things that you understand about how to run a business. And how to call attention to yourself.

[00:07:43] And what you're doing. What you're aiming to do. And there's certain knowns. And certain things that you have to implore. In order for that to, you know... Like, you don't have to invent the wheel. You just gotta roll it. Um... And sometimes it's as simple as that. Though, in my experience, for myself... Nothing like that is as simple as that. Because I can make the easiest things...

[00:08:13] The most complicated things in the world. Um... And I don't know why. It's, uh... It's what I do. Um... It's what I do. I overthink. I... I... I... I overquestion. I want to see it from as many different angles as possible before anything happens. And I... I think... Well... Just to give you guys an isolated version of this. Getting these signs up.

[00:08:43] Um... The physical signs on this building. Um... Um... Was such a trial for me. Um... Because it... I... I... I just... I could see all of the pitfalls before they happened. And... It's not a one-person job. It's a two-person job minimum. Minimum. And... I...

[00:09:08] I have lots of friends that have offered to help me. And I probably could have called on any of them. Probably... Maybe I should have called on some of them. But... You know... A big thing that I'm really, really aiming for and being called to do. Perpetually. And that has... I... As long as I... Can think back. Has always been on my heart. And always been a want.

[00:09:38] Is to have a good family. To... To have family. Even though I've never wanted kids. Or any of that. I've really... Wanted to be... You know... To have family. You know... I like... I like the idea of having good family. And it's always been, in my family, a struggle. To have good family relations. For a lot of different reasons that are not... You know... Some of them are me.

[00:10:07] Some of them are not me. It's a dynamic, right? Like you... You have to take ownership for what you can. And then you have to... You know... Let... Let the dice roll with the rest. Set boundaries where you can. Which... Boundaries in themselves were a thing. But... But... Yeah... Man... Like... I've always wanted family. And... You know... For a long part of my life... In pursuing... My career...

[00:10:37] Um... Which like I said... Was... Was doing what I wanted. And I'm still so grateful for it. Like it's not even... Like I'm saying it's... You know... I shouldn't have done that. I think... I think I did... I did do... What I was supposed to do with that. Um... But... Uh... Along the way... Within that... Like I realized... That... I wasn't really close with my family.

[00:11:06] Like we had a... We had a good... Understanding of how to... Be with each other. But... We didn't really... We didn't really... Um... We weren't close. And... And it's... Hard to say if we... Are close now. I... It's... I mean...

[00:11:35] I think it's because I... You know... You have the... The really... I guess... I... And I don't even know. Because I don't know what a well-adjusted family looks like. But you see it. You see it like... You know... If you see it in like... We don't see even those... But sitcoms and things like that. Like people... You know... These... And I'm not talking about like... Modern day sitcoms. I'm talking more like... Older sitcoms. Where... Like there was more of a... A closeness. And...

[00:12:05] In the family dynamic. And yeah... There were problems. And there were things like that. But... You know... They seem pretty close. And pretty healthy. And um... I don't know. Mine actually... Is probably a lot more like that... Than I give it credit for. And it's... Definitely has places where... It could be better and better and better. And you really can't compare... Your life to... Something that's made up like that. Um... That isn't real.

[00:12:36] Um... And... You can't really know how it is... From the outside looking in... In other people's families. So I... I can... I can only gauge it... From what I understand. And know the truth of it. From it... From my perspective only. So it's... It's very complicated. But basically... Long and short. I could have asked for help from a lot of people. Who volunteered to help me. With this. And I might call upon them in... You know... The future.

[00:13:06] But... I have my husband. And I have my father. Two men. That are... Kind of up for this task. I wanted both of them. But... Uh... It didn't work out that way. Let's just put it that... That way. Um... I wanted my dad because he... Owned this building for... 30 plus years. And he hung the signs originally. Um...

[00:13:35] And he was a part of all that. And he also took down the signs. So... He's been up and down that roof... Um... More times... Than anyone I know. So... He understands it. Um... He... You know... Just... Just understands that part. And then I wanted my husband. Obviously because... He's really freaking strong. And... He's my husband. And... If anybody's gonna help me... It's...

[00:14:05] It's the one I married. Um... Cause... You know... It's... It's all ours. And... One flesh. So he should be like... You know... The guy I go to. But here's... Here's the issues. And these were all the things previously... That I'll bring you guys into. Because now that they're hung... I do find this all very funny. And... Particularly myself. Even though I... My butthole was so tight.

[00:14:34] And I was so wound... Before these signs went up. That I... Like... I mean... It's just laughable now. It's just so ridiculous. But I... You know... Like I said... I make things ridiculous. So... Here... Here... Here's the things. So my dad took him down. Um... He should not have done that. He did it all by himself. Which is the reason why he shouldn't have done it. It's fine for him to have done it.

[00:15:00] But this was pre-us understanding that my dad actually has a weak heart. Which he had an episode with... I think it was like a week after. A week or so. It wasn't that long. After he took these signs down. By himself. By himself. These are not... These are not... Unheavy signs. Like they really are fairly heavy. Um... And I...

[00:15:29] It's not even the heaviness of the signs. It's just mostly that... You just don't get up on a roof by yourself. Uh... You know... In your 70s. No less. But like... I just don't think it's a good idea to ever do a task. Like my dad did. Without somebody there. That if something goes sideways... You... You can call for help. You know? Like I... I get it. You know... Things can go sideways... Every...

[00:15:59] At any moment. You know? At any moment. I mean... I'm here by myself right now. Something could go sideways right now. And... And nobody's here to know. And they won't know until... You know... It's... It's too late maybe. I mean... My husband knows I'm here. But... He's actively out on a boat right now. Fishing with his dad. Um... So... Even though he knows where I'm at. Uh... He would have to actually...

[00:16:29] You know... Call in reinforcements. In order to tackle anything that would happen... Happen to me right now. He's out on a boat. So... It... You know... Um... But yeah... Like... My dad did that. And... As far as the signs were concerned... I wasn't really... I didn't really care about him... You know... The nature of them coming down. Just because... You know... They're... They're old.

[00:16:59] And... The point was to refurbish them... And redo them. So I knew there would be... Some refurbishing. So... You know... I think he just let them slide off... The roof. And fall into the grass. Below. Fine. Because... You know... The damage that might be done on coming down... Or taking them off... Fine. I was more so concerned about my dad... Being out there. I mean... He was covered in sweat... When he came down. And I was like... Oh my god! Why did you do that by yourself? And then like... Like I said...

[00:17:28] A week or two weeks later... He had an episode where he had to go to the hospital... And... Now he's on medication and everything for his heart. So like... Super... Not... Chill with the idea of my... You know... My dad's in really good shape... But like... Older parent... Getting up on a roof by himself... And doing something like that for me... Um... I understand probably why he did it... But... I... Did not approve of him doing it. So there was that...

[00:17:57] And a bit of a frustration... Because I was kind of like... Um... That and... You know... If I got up on there with him... I think it would have... Kind of culled some of my anxieties... For putting them up... Because I would have understood... What I was doing... I would have been on the roof... And I would have seen the layout... And I would have... Understood... Everything that was... Up there... Um... So then I get... The signs are down... And I refurbished them...

[00:18:27] And when I mean I refurbished them... Uh... There was parts of the sign that were dry rotted... That I had to... Fix... I put resin on them... To reinforce them... Sanded it out... Buffed it out... Um... For the most part... The wood and everything was great... Um... There was so much... I am trying to think... If I took pictures of everything... It would really... I guess it would be cool to... You know... Follow this with a progression of... The signs... And... Like all... All that took to get them up there...

[00:18:57] Um... But... Uh... They were just covered in like... Mildew on the back... Um... Mold... And all this stuff... I had to like... Clean them off completely... Sand them down... I had to do a... A bleach scrub on them... Just to get rid of all of the mold and mildew... Off the backs... Then I had to sand them... Reinforce them... Like I said... Um... I painted them with kills... Just to make sure that...

[00:19:25] There would be some kind of... You know... Anti-fungal... You know... Agent on there... And it was kills for exterior... Then I... Um... Painted them with a... A sealant paint that is actually made for decking... All of this by the way... Like is... Is stuff that the... The... The paint bucket will tell you that it does... Whether or not it will actually do it... We... I don't know... You know what I'm saying? Like...

[00:19:56] It says it'll seal the wood... It'll set it to protect the wood... It said... Whatever... This is already wood that's been up for like... 46 years... It's already been up there for a really long time... So... I don't even know if it's been 46 years... My dad might have said that... It might have been 36 years... It might be really more what it is... I'm not sure... But it's been up there for a long ass time... And... Um... Yeah... It would have to be... Because... 12... That would mean...

[00:20:25] 13 years ago... Or no... 13... 33 years ago... So it would probably be like... I think my dad might have overshot how long it's been up there... Um... Because he said 46... And that's not... The math's not mathing... But anyway... Um... We're not strong in my family... Well my mom is... But... And my brother is... But... My dad and I are not... In fact... Everybody... Um... Involved... In the sign effort... Not...

[00:20:55] We're... We're... We're the brutes... We're the... We're the... We're the creators... We have the creative brain... But we don't have... The mathematics... I mean we're decent... We can do basic stuff... But... No... Anyway... Um... So... I... I... I... I reinforce them... I paint them... Then it was a matter of... Um... And these things are huge by the way... Uh... Each side...

[00:21:26] Of these... Ginormous signs... Are... I think it was... 60... Is it 66... 65... It might have been something like that... It was at least 60 inches... And that's... That's not the width... That's the height... Um... I think it was 65 inches by... 90... It might have been 66... Anyway... Um... I'm...

[00:21:55] I'm blanking on the actual size... Because it's not really relevant anymore... It's in the past... Um... Moving on... Uh... That's how I've had to do with all of this... It's such... Like... It's in the past... Like... You can't be traumatized by it... You just gotta keep... You gotta keep walking... Um... So... Each of the halves were... Let's just say... Bare minimum... 60 by 90 inches... That's a half... So all together... They're huge... And... Um...

[00:22:24] They're not a normal oval... Either... It's a very aggressive oval... Um... It... It... It tapers at the ends... A little more aggressively... Than... You know... Just like a natural curvature of an oval... So... What I did to guesstimate... That... Because it's either... I order... Uh... A vinyl sticker for... It... To be stuck on there... Or...

[00:22:53] I hand paint them... Now... I didn't hand paint... The smaller versions of these signs... It made no sense to me... To hand paint... The bigger version... Um... Obviously... To print them out... Would be a better move... I felt... Would save more time... I thought... Probably did in the end anyway... Um... But... I... Um... I had to guesstimate... The actual... Bend and curvature... Of these signs... By taking a picture...

[00:23:23] Measuring it... Trying to create... A digital version... Of all of this... On Photoshop... Take my original image... That I had already constructed... Warp it... To fit... And then remove... Um... An outer rim... That I had kind of... Troubleshooted from the... The smaller versions... When it came down to... Fitting them to... The pre-cutouts... It was the outer rim... Of the design that I made... That ended up...

[00:23:53] Needing to be removed... From them... Ultimately... We had to cut them off... And then I had to hand paint that... To make it fit... Like to make it actually fit... So I just was like... Let's not try to... Guesstimate that... On this one... Let's just... Let's do the same thing... Let me remove that... I just need to fit these... The text in there... And the bulk of the sign... And I can paint that outer rim... Should I want to... Um... I ultimately did... Um... But...

[00:24:22] That was a whole feat in itself... It shouldn't have been... It shouldn't have been... It was... They were big files... Um... They were so big that... Together... If... If I had wanted to save it... All as one file... It was really saying... No... This is too big... This is too big a file... For us to save like this... So... I... Made it too... Because it made sense to me... That like... Okay... Well... They're two... Two pieces of the same sign... So...

[00:24:50] I would have to cut them apart... Anyway... Um... I'd have to split them there... Anyway... So... Let's just order them that way... Right? Easy... Right? Should be... Right? So... I order them... It's almost... It's almost $400... For the signs... Um... For the printouts... I get them... I open them up... And it takes like... You know... It takes like a good week to print... Uh... Which is understandable...

[00:25:20] I don't know where these... Uh... Prints are coming from... But I would imagine to keep costs as low as possible... They're coming from a foreign... You know... Contractor... And the way that this company... I'm gonna say it... Best of signs... Um... Cause I'm not... I'm not mad at them anymore... And I understand how things happen... And I understand... You know... What... Running a business is all about... But...

[00:25:49] I can't say... I... I like... I like... I mean... You don't like when anything goes wrong... Right? Time is money... And when things happen... It's... It's money... And it's time... And it's all this... So... But... It's very clear to me... With working with this company... That they contract out to a lot of different... Things... Like... There's... There's probably the intake... Service... Order... System...

[00:26:18] Which is probably a digital service... That they receive things through... They buffer it with... A bunch of liability information... Which basically says that once you've... Approved your proofs... The liability is off of them... After they've printed... Well... I... I saw the proofs... And they looked fine from a glance... But I didn't notice... I didn't notice that they were off... And that... You know what? They shouldn't have been off...

[00:26:48] Because as you guys are hearing... My initial file... Before it said I couldn't save it... Was all one file... So I literally just broke it into two different files... Um... But they were identical files... Otherwise... Like... And I'm not a novice... When printing things out... I know that they have to be CMYK... If I want any transparency... It has to be a PNG... Um... That's the safest...

[00:27:18] For like any system to implant... If they're not using Photoshop... Um... So I... I knew how I had to... Create these... And... When I saw the proofs... They looked good... But like... I didn't overly study them... Just simply because... Why? Why? Why overly study the proofs? How hard could it be to make proofs of things...

[00:27:47] That are identical... In all other ways... Like... Every single way through... They are identical... They... Because they're literally one file that was made too... So I didn't overly focus on it... And um... And then after that... I'm pretty sure that they... Uh... Send the order out to the printing house... Um... The printing house prints it... Then there's an actual ship house... The shipping house ships it... And then there's like... I think a whole... HR... Like... Customer relations center... That is like...

[00:28:16] It's own service... All dependent... You know like... There's things that they get... Complaint forms through... That's a service... Then they... Then they have to send it off to this area... So that there's actually a person... Who manages the cases... I mean it's like... It's all these different moving parts... To the same company... And I think they kind of tracked it out... To a whole bunch of people... Which is what makes it cumbersome... When stuff goes wrong... Which is what happened... Because when I get these signs... I open up...

[00:28:44] I lay them on my signs... Like on the... On the boards... And I... Start to like... Cut them... Cut the edges off... You know... It's just extra... You know... Backing... I notice they're two different colors... They don't match... Like... Aggressively don't match... And I'm like... What the hell? One of them was right... And one of them was super blue... Like... Way bluer...

[00:29:15] Like either the... I don't know... Whatever it was... That was... Like there was an ink... Shortage... Or there was some kind of preset... Loaded on the other computer... Which... I don't know why one computer... And one agent... Wouldn't have printed... Printed this... Just... Together... Like I don't know why... This would have been split up... Between... Two separate computers... And... And two separate agents...

[00:29:43] And two separate printers... But it was clear that that's what happened... Either that or the same printer... No... It couldn't have been that... Because... When you go back and you look at the proofs... If you're really looking at them hard... You might be able to see... Like a small color change... In there... But it was not as aggressive... As what I ended up getting... Ultimately... And... There's just... Like...

[00:30:13] There was no reason for it... So I was just like... Oh my god... I gotta... I gotta call this... I gotta get in touch with this company... So I get in touch with the company... Long story short... At first they wanted to... Accus me of... You know... Being liable for this error... I fought back... Um... It took me a good week and a half... Back and forth... To get them to a... Just agree to reprint them... Now I will say that I...

[00:30:41] Was willing to pay for shipping... And everything... They said no... They'll cover everything... So... I will say that... After everything... Everything... Is said and done... Best of signs... You made the right decision... I... I would have liked... A lot more... For you to have just... Kind of admitted... That it was your fault... Rather than just agreeing... To placate me... Um... However... I got what I wanted in the end... And I'm a happy customer...

[00:31:11] And they did do a really good job... Printing them... So... They came out well... They came out very... Very well... And they reprinted it... It was... Quite a bit of back and forth... Having to take pictures... Having to prove myself... And having to combat... Them on... Their entire... You know... Side... At one point... They were saying that like... Oh yeah... Like the files actually... Don't match... Perfectly... They're off a little bit... And I was like...

[00:31:40] Well wait a minute... Because they were like... Well if you pay us... Half the amount... We'll reprint it... And send it to you... And I was like... So you're wanting me to pay for your mistake? Because only half the sign is... Printed wrong... So no... I'm not going to pay for your mistake... And then they tried to say that my files were off... And I was like... Okay... Now I have sent you... All the pictures... I have shown you... How... This is an error...

[00:32:09] And how this is a problem... And I have done everything you guys have asked... To prove my side of this... Now the burden of proof is on you... So you... You guys show me... Now... Where my files are off... Because if that's the line that we're going with... I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna work with you guys at all... Because... That's... Just a lie... That's... That's not true... And if it is true...

[00:32:36] Then why would I have you use the same files... You know... You would ask me for different files... If that were the case... Because if every way that you plugged them in... They came out... The way that they... Ended up being shipped to me... And printed... Then yeah... You could say that the files were off... But... The files weren't off... And... Why would I... Let you reprint... These things... If...

[00:33:04] What you're telling me is true... If your files are off... That I sent you... I'm not gonna pay... One... I'm not gonna pay you more money... To reprint them... Because the same thing's gonna happen... But two... I'm... I'm now gonna need to see... What you're talking about... And once I kind of called them out there... And I was like... Show me... Show me what you're talking about... Because now the burden of proof is on you... Because you're telling me that I'm the one... I'm the one who messed this up... Not... Not your company... Not your print house...

[00:33:34] Not... All the things that I know to be true about printing... Uh... Then they agreed... They agreed to reprint them... So... You know... I would say this... Like... Most people are probably not... Reaching out to Best of Signs... For the kind of signs that I made... Um... They were huge... It was a huge job... Um... So... I would imagine that they're a better company... If you have smaller projects... For sure...

[00:34:03] They do a gaggle of products... Like... A lot of products... And... And overall... I would say... I give them a B plus... Um... It's not that I wouldn't use them again... I didn't like having conflict... But like... As I said... I don't... Nobody likes having conflict... When you're trying to do something... And... Especially when it's your business... So... I wrote them a good review... Afterwards... Saying that... You know... You know something about a company... When they... Have to tackle... Uh... Issues...

[00:34:33] And challenges... So... They made me happy... The new prints came back... They were great... Then the anxiety was getting them on... Because like I said... It's a big decal... That you have to get on these huge signs... And you have to work really slowly... And you have to... Squeegee out any air bubbles... And... It... That too... Was a two-person job... That my dad helped me with... Um... He wasn't anxious at all... Um... But... You know... Uh... And we did it really well... Because... You know...

[00:35:03] The way I thought about doing it... And the way I kind of set it all up... Ended up working... Really well... And... Um... You know... I... I took on the brunt of the... Um... I guess... Um... Not execution... He... He helped me execute it... But... The planning for the execution... Just... Just that... So... Um... My dad's really sweet... He's really good at giving me kudos... For... Um... Thinking about things well...

[00:35:32] And planning them out well... Um... He said... You know... It was... It was really easy the way that you had it planned out... That was definitely the way to go... So... Um... We got him on... And then... It's a big sticker, right? So... A big vinyl sticker... And... Yeah... It's printed so it can be outside... But... You know... It's got edges to it... Um... So... I ended up resin... Resin casting the entire edge of the sticker... Just to make sure that it didn't peel up...

[00:36:01] Or anything like that... Um... I sealed the entire thing with like a clear spray... That had an added protection layer on it... At least I hope... Um... And I... And I hoped would further bind everything to the wood... Um... All of this was like acts that had to take great effort... And many people... Not many people... But at least two people to do... Because... They were all inside of the building... Um...

[00:36:29] Trying to avoid weather and stuff like that... As I'm doing this work on them... Letting them dry and stuff like that... But you know... When you seal them... I used a spray seal... Um... They had to go outside... So... My husband and his friend Zach came over... Helped carry them outside... We sprayed them... We had to carry them back inside... Because later that day... It ended up raining... So that's not a good environment for paint to dry... So then we brought them back in here... We had to let them dry... Then it was a matter of hanging them...

[00:36:59] Now... Now that we're to the hanging... You guys have heard... All that I have gone through... Now... To get to this point... And as you well know... Taking something apart... Is always easier... Than putting it back together again... Right? And that's just... If you change nothing about it... Putting it back together again... And having it work... After you took it apart... Well that's... That's the skillful thing... Well now we have...

[00:37:28] A refurbished... Set of signs... That need to get on top of a roof... And... I just had a feeling... That all this stuff was gonna happen... So A... There's a lot of white on the signs... I wanted them to stay relatively clean... Um... I also spent a lot of time and energy... Sealing them... And doing a lot of stuff to them... To make them weather ready... Didn't want them scraped...

[00:37:58] Didn't want them... You know... Abused... More than... You know... Necessary... I... I wanted the screws... To really hold... So I got these... Like... They're made for like... Ships probably... Uh... And they have like... A washer built into them... On the head of them... And they're like... Diesel... They're like these diesel screws... Uh... For the anchor points... And then... You know... I... I...

[00:38:26] Saw these pre-drawn holes... Drilled holes... So I... I poked holes in the vinyls... Where those holes were... Because... In assuming... That those were holes that were used... To hang them up... And... That would be the only reason... Why I would ever... Poke a hole through the vinyl... That I just spent all this time... Ordering... Um... And... Inside those holes... That I would poke... I also put... Like... Resin... In there... Um...

[00:38:56] Yeah... Just... Just trying to... Make everything a little bit extra... Um... As much as I could... But really hoping that there was gonna be a screw in there... A galvanized screw... Something that can handle the weather... Um... That could... Not rust... And hopefully get me another 30 plus years out of these signs... Um... Ultimately... That would be great, right? So... Rico and I attempt it first...

[00:39:24] Now every single person that I have at my disposal... Or that I'm using in this... Is dismissing my anxieties... They were all kind of like... Waving me off... Um... Rico... Says he was... Um... You know... Being attentive... I... I think he knew how important it was to me... Um... But... In a big way... He's a very strong human... So...

[00:39:53] A lot of the anxieties I have physically... He does not have at all... And it's really hard for him to get in the mindset of us normies... And especially somebody like me... Who has a joint issue... At this point... You know... And just how hard it is for me to go down the stairs... Let alone go up a ladder and on a roof... And put signs up... So... You know... Rico was like... Oh... It's no big deal... We'll get him up no problem... My dad was like... Oh yeah...

[00:40:22] You know... Um... It should be okay... Not a problem... You know... I got him up there... And... Everything should be very easy... Uh... For them... But most of the guys were like... Really... Brushing me off... And I was... I was getting very upset... So... I... Um... But... But... Like I said... My... My concerns were... I just spent all this time and energy...

[00:40:52] Making these signs awesome... And I want to get as much awesome out of them as I possibly can... Um... And... I don't have... My dad and Rico... I have one or the other... I wanted them both... But... I didn't end up getting them both... So Rico wanted to do it without my dad... He's like... Yeah... Yeah... We can do it without him... Not a problem... And you have to... It's a ladder and a ladder... So... A ladder to get up on the roof...

[00:41:20] And then another ladder on the roof... In order to put these signs up... So like... You know... Talk about anxieties... Right? Like... And... Also... I... Um... What was the... The... The other thing is... Is that... Um... Shoot... My... My train of thought just... Just went... Went out the window... Um... Ladder... And then a ladder...

[00:41:50] There's just so much anxiety... Anyway... Um... So... And... And then my dad was telling me about how you mount it... Which is kind of how we mounted it... But... My dad's telling me this in theory... So now I'm approaching this without my dad... With Rico... And... And... You know... We're trying to make sure we have all the supplies we need...

[00:42:19] All of this stuff... Try to get all these things up on top of the roof... Um... Just getting the signs on the roof... I was just like... Oh my god... Please don't scrape them all up... Um... Just getting them up there was something... Um... To be anxious about... We ended up getting them up there... Rico did that... For the most part... He's so strong... He was able to just pull them up... And me... Kind of... You know... Lamely... Like hang... Like... Pass them up to him... But then we're up there...

[00:42:48] We did manage to get up there... But... The ladder... That we first had... To get up there with... Was just covered in oil... Um... It had been sitting underneath all of our... Lawn cutting equipment... That we have stored here at this studio... And I don't know what was dripping on it... But it had been dripping all over it... And so... Before he realized it... Rico had this oil...

[00:43:18] Down the face of his shirt... And of course... Because he's... Carrying these signs around... Of course... Because he can do it himself... He insists on doing it himself... Instead of... Letting me help him... Um... He's now got... Whatever was on his shirt... The oil... All over the face of the sign... And he's also... Got it all over his hands... Which makes it on the signs... Um... So...

[00:43:47] I'm already mad... Um... And I was mad when I got there too... Because... I really wanted to coordinate a day... Like I was telling you guys... With my dad and my husband... I'm gonna sneeze... But... Oof... Excuse me... It was one... One and done... Um... With my dad and Rico... But Rico was like... No... I'm gonna do that... Uh... That was the other thing... He was gonna go fishing with his dad... Like he is today... He's gonna go fishing with his dad...

[00:44:18] Um... And... The next day... But he never told me that... Or at least he said he did... And I didn't hear that... What I heard was... We have good weather all next week... And the only day I have booked... Was Thursday... And I booked range time... Because Thursday is set to rain... Which by the way... Diary listeners... It never did... It never did until late that night... So I was... You know... There's so many levels... To which I just had to like... Breathe... Deeply...

[00:44:47] Through this... So... I... I... Okay... So now... The signs are covered in oil... Um... Would have liked to anticipate that... We didn't... Of course... So now the signs are dirty... We get up there... I'm already mad... Because... A... I don't like the fact that my dad's not there... Because I know that he could really help inform this... He's the one who gave me the philosophy... Of how to hang these signs... And what to do...

[00:45:17] I know how well my husband listens to me... He doesn't... I love him to death... But we already don't work well together... In these kind of situations... I know... Because it's really hard for him to understand... My perspective... And me to understand his... We're a man and a woman... Like the way that we approach things... Totally different... And our style... Is to just... Yell at each other... Which doesn't work... Um... With either of our personalities... It just gets really bad...

[00:45:47] Um... So now this is kind of a comedy of errors... Because we get up there... We're working my dad's... Philosophy of stuff... But the other thing that we discover... Is... As much as I have the right screws... Um... I know this philosophy... I'm telling Rico... Rico's being attentive to listen to me... I've kind of let go of the fact that the signs are dirty... And I'll have to clean them... We get up there... And my screwdriver... Can't screw... The dang screws in...

[00:46:16] Because it's not a driving screwdriver... These things are so massive... And require so much torque... That my little... I mean my screw gun is great... It's a great screw gun... But it can't handle it... So Rico has to go down... Get his ratchet set... And instead of me... Being up on the ladder... And doing the light job... Which is screwing in the screws... I have to be the one... To hold the edge of the sign... And line it up for him...

[00:46:44] And he screws in the screws... Well here's the other thing too... We don't know... What hole... Because there's multiple holes... In these... Pieces of wood... That are up on the roof... You know... My dad put them up there... But I'm pretty sure... That they had to figure out... Where to put them... So there's like... Three different holes... That it could be... To put these signs... And we don't know which... Which hole... And in truth... My dad wouldn't have known... Which hole either... Because he just took them down... So he...

[00:47:13] What does he know? He just took them down... I'm sure he wasn't cognizant... Of how he took it down... Or anything like that... I think he just... You know... Took it down... So we don't know what hole... So we're trying to guess... What hole... To put them in... And then we're trying to see... What hole... To put them in... And we're trying to do it... At a time of day... Where the... Where the freaking sun... Is not making it... Easy to see... Whatsoever... Thank God it wasn't windy... It's hot as balls...

[00:47:43] Rico already doesn't do well... Hot... I was angry before... I already started... Like I said... A... Because my dad wasn't there... And B... Because when I got there... I hadn't eaten yet... Thank God Rico brought me something... But I like... Had to shove it in my face... Because Rico was so ready... To hang the signs... And I was so not... And I was so hungry... I shoved this thing in my face... It was not something that digests... Well quickly... So now I'm digesting food... That I just... Shoveled in my face...

[00:48:13] I'm on this ladder... I'm barely okay... Because I was so hangry... So now we're up there... I'm hot... Nothing is working... Then when we get... The one side of the side... On the anchor point... Screwed up... And we're trying to level the middle... We realize the middle... Doesn't have anything to screw into... Like there's literally nothing to screw it... Screw into it... And we... We're like... Okay... Well maybe that wasn't the right anchor points... You know...

[00:48:42] There's several different ones... Like maybe that wasn't the right one... So... So... We take it off... And do all of it again... Well by this point... We're like dripping sweat... Rico keeps trying to use... The drill... That has been proven... Over and over again... Not to work... And I'm getting frustrated... Because I'm... I'm now holding the signs... Which is not something that... Piddly arm me... Is really great at... But I need his muscle... In order to screw these things in...

[00:49:12] But I'm like... Now at this point... Like... Angrily saying... Will you please stop using that freaking drill... We know it's not going to work... And... Guys... The more and more we're trying this... The more fucked up these signs are getting... Um... Via the screw holes... Because... The way that my dad... Has told me to do this... Would imply that... These anchor screws... Are what's holding it in... Well... Like I said... There's pre... Set washers in them... So when you let them just dangle like that...

[00:49:41] From a corner... That... Those sides of the washers are just digging into the sign... And then we get it up there again... And it's still not able to screw into anything... And I'm like... What in the hell? So now both Rico and I are just so mad... We're just so mad... And I'm like... Babe... We gotta... We gotta stop this from the day we have them up... And he said... Yep... Like... We have them up here... There's a whole other thing that I'm gonna leave out...

[00:50:11] Because it's already so long... But like... We leave them on top of the roof... We come down... And I'm... I'm hot... Like I'm madder than I've been... In a really long time... Like I'm so mad my heart's racing... I'm so mad that it took considerable effort... For me to de-escalate... Because literally everything that I didn't want to happen... Aside from bodily injury... Which is a big one... Happened... And now I definitely have to call my dad...

[00:50:41] Because... You know... I need him... I just need him... I need his insight... I need to work with him... Now that they were up there... I was like... Okay... What I will say is... As I said before... If I had been up there to take down the signs with my dad... I would have been already pre... Kind of cured... Of being on the roof a bit... And... And... You know... The anxieties about a ladder and a ladder... And all of this stuff... I would have... I would have known the landscape...

[00:51:10] And I would have been less anxious... And I would have known my own capabilities... Of getting up and down a ladder... On a roof... With my leg... Well now that's out of the way... But I'm so mad... That I can't even... I can't even... I can't even think... And... And Rico... Once... Once he knows that we're not... Doing it that day... I mean... He has so much better command... Of his being... Than I do... He was mad... When we were up there... I mean... Definitely frustrated... Definitely mad... But... I guess just...

[00:51:40] So much better at handling rage... And... And stuff than I am... I mean... I make a mountain out of a molehill... That... Once we're down... He's good... But I'm not... Like... I am so not... He's trying to mess with me... He's trying to play with my butt... He's trying to be cute... He's like... We need to get snowballs... All this stuff... Like he's... I mean... He's like... Basically dealing with an errant child... With me at this point... But like... Unlike a child... Who could just be like... Yay! Snowballs! I... Am...

[00:52:09] Beyond consolable... Like... I am so mad... Because of all the things... That I went through... To get to this point... And I'm just so upset... That I have to... Do this again... Like... And... And even when... I was... I called my dad... I said... Dad, I'm gonna need your help... And he was like... Okay... We're trying to figure out... A time... I'm trying to explain to him... What happened... And...

[00:52:39] He's trying to understand... What happened... And at one point... Within all of that... I mean... It was so bad... That like... I texted him... That I might need him... And when could he maybe... Meet me to do this... Um... He was texting me back... And it was taking too long... I mean... That's how mad I was... I couldn't let my dad... Finish his text... Because it was looking like... It was gonna be a novel... And I was like... I can't do this... I'm gonna call him... So I'm trying to just... Explain... What happened...

[00:53:08] But as I'm explaining it... I'm like... Dad, you know what... I am... So mad... Right now... That I can't... I can't even tell you... What happened... Like... I really am... I'm... This is making me mad... All over again... To revisit this... Like... I am really... I am really just so upset... That I don't think I can even tell you... And so my dad... Of course... He knows... He knows me... He knows how to handle... He knows how to... Knows how to handle hyper women... And... You know... He's done a business for forever...

[00:53:38] For forever... And he... You know... He's got a weak heart now... So he knows he's gotta keep things really chill... And he's not letting a lot... Bother him these days... So... And he's... He's older... He's an older guy... So he knows how to chill... So he's like... It's fine... I'll get up there... I'll assess everything... I'll see what we gotta do... We gotta plan... And then... Even when my dad and I were up there... I was... Upset... Because... It went so bad... The... The time before...

[00:54:08] That I just really needed to know... My dad understood what was going on... And that we were on the same page... And for a second there... I... We were not... The communication wasn't good... Because I was really trying to understand... And I'm the type of person... That if I don't understand you... I'm not doing anything... I was trying... I was really trying to just let my dad lead... And shut up... But you know... As a person now... That's already been on the end of the sign...

[00:54:38] Holding it... And realizing what... I just went through... I needed to know that... That wasn't gonna happen again... That we were... We were looking ahead... And my dad... My dad didn't want to talk about it... He was just like... Oh yeah... I like to eyeball things... Alright... Yeah... Just trust me... And alright... Yeah... This is what we're gonna do... But none of it made any sense... And it was a little tense... Before it was fine... So... Finally... We started working together... And we got it up there...

[00:55:07] To praise God... You guys saw the pictures... On the back end... I left out a lot of anxiety... I don't even know... If it was that entertaining... For you guys to hear now... But this is just one aspect... I hope you guys can appreciate... That this was just the signs... This was just getting the signs up... This was just refurbishing signs... On a building... That's not the building... That's not the landscaping... That's not... The weeds in the parking lot... That's not the fence... That's outside...

[00:55:37] That needs to be redone... Probably... That's not cleaning the inside... Organizing the inside... Setting up the inside... That... And that's just the physical part of it... Then there's the whole back end... Of doing all of the... You know... Paperwork... Setting up... Setting up... You know... The different accounts... I don't know if you guys know this... But in order to have a business account... For BG&E... You have to submit... A $1,400 deposit...

[00:56:05] For the first year... So you get that back... After the first year... But for the first year... You have to lay down a deposit... Of $1,400... So... And that's just out of pocket... Right up front... So for whatever... You might think... About people who own businesses... Or companies... Or anything like that... Taking... On... This... I mean... It's been such...

[00:56:35] An epic walk... It's been so much... And I... The biggest parts of it... Have been... You know... Just how much time... And how many... How much breathing... Through the discomfort... I've had to do... To watch my bank account... Be like... Really low guys... I mean... I am not rolling right now... Like... I want to do so much... But... My abilities... To...

[00:57:05] Be generous... Is not really there... Oh... And then on top of it... I am still trying to be generous... In ways that I can... I guess... At church... I'm not really getting... The kind of atonement... At church... That I usually get... Because I've taken on... Another task... Of helping with the audiovisual... Because... It got out that I had a podcast... And so... You know... All... Everyone at my church...

[00:57:35] Is older... And there was... There was a couple people... Who helped... Run the AV... But... One of them I think... Went off to college... The other one... Is one of our parishioners... Tracy... And... You know... The goal is having... Multiple people... At this... My dad was... One of the people... That helped with this... There's another guy... That kind of helps... With the audio part of it... At bare minimum... It's a two person job... Because there's two different... Sound boards... And things like that... But like...

[00:58:05] And ours is like... Grassroot production... But I've been running... The live stream... On the go stream... And... That's a whole... System to figure out... And know how to run yourself... And I'm just... One of two people... Who know how to do that... Now... And just getting over the anxieties... Of learning that... Was really hard... And still... You know... I can mess it up... And I often do... I have a lot of kindness... On that... But like... You know... You want...

[00:58:34] You want the service... To be seen... Really well... For the people... Who are not able to make it... Who have to do church at home... Our main production guy... Is in Massachusetts... He's... Brilliant guy... But he's now... A... Paraplegic... And he was... By God's grace... He's only a paraplegic... He... The way he broke his back... In all reality... He should have been... A quadriplegic...

[00:59:04] So... Rob is... Incredible... And... But he does... He does all of the production... Kind of coordination... Remotely... And through text... And all this stuff... And we're doing it... You know... In real time... Because if it's a live production... Everything has to happen... In that moment... So... If something needs to be adjusted... And everything... You know... He's texting me... In the background... When... When all of this stuff... Is actually happening... And I already have like...

[00:59:34] You know... Ten different tasks to do... So... Needless to say... My time atoning at church... Is no kind of atonement... Though... It is... Service... And... I'm not so sure... If anyone else... Would have volunteered to do it... Or... Or would be willing to do it... And... I also... Know... That... All of this... I guess not to let this go...

[01:00:03] Much beyond an hour... All of this... I know... Is stuff that God is doing... In me and to me... To prepare me... For this business... For what's next... Whatever it is... Um... Even if it's epic failure... Even if it's just... You know... I mean... Nobody could say that I didn't put in... Everything I had... You know... And it's very rare in this world...

[01:00:34] For anyone... To put all their chips in... And risk that much... And I would honestly say that I... Would regret it... If I didn't... But I know that there's some significant things... Um... As I said at the top... That needed to be weeded out of me... And... You know... Not only weeded out... But... But re... Resodded... Like a new foundation... Built...

[01:01:04] In me... One that allows me... Patience... Which... I don't have for many things... Uh... I thought I did... But I don't... Um... Delegation skills... Uh... You know... Saying things... Or asking of people... Is very challenging... Um...

[01:01:33] It's challenging to ask for help... Period... Especially if you're somebody who doesn't... Typically do that... But then just asking for it in a way that you're gonna get it... Um... Is... Nuanced... I... I don't know... I... I... I don't think that I'm saying anything aggressively... Um... But... I do feel like... For me... For me...

[01:02:03] Anyway... People... Tend to... Especially in a business setting... Tend to really not take me seriously... Until... I'm mad... And then when I'm mad... I'm kind of beyond... Saying anything nice... Um... And I kind of resent... That for whatever reason... I gotta say it nice... At all... You know... Like... What are we all here to do? We're all here to work... Right?

[01:02:33] Like... So why do I have to... Coat it with this... Nice icing of sugar... For you to swallow it... You're at work... And... What are you doing... If not working? And why are you expecting me to speak to you... In such... Such a measured way? Like... I'm not... I'm not calling you a piece of shit... I'm not yelling at you... I'm not... You know... Treating you like an indentured servant... Or...

[01:03:01] A slave... Or anything like that... I'm just saying... Go do this... Why I would have to say that... In any particular way... I have to say... It... It annoys me... Because... For me... If somebody said... For me to do that... I would just do it... Like... I would just do it... The only way I wouldn't just do it... Is if I just didn't understand how to do it... And have to ask some follow-up questions... Um...

[01:03:30] That's the only reason why I would ever pause... It would be a lack of understanding... But... I certainly... I mean... It would have to be so aggressive... For me to be like... Hey... Don't talk to me like that... Like... There's a nicer way for you to ask that... Dick... Um... But that's what I would do... I would just say that... I would just say... Hey... I don't care who you think you are... But you don't talk to me like that... You can say that... Nicer... And I expect you to say it nicer... In the future...

[01:04:00] But see... This is the reason why... I don't work... For other people... Probably why I got fired... Um... And why I have so much vice... But yeah... Like... Everything about this, guys... Everything about this has been a labor of love... Everything about this has been... Staying true... To having family... To trying to stick out the discomfort...

[01:04:29] Working through medical problems that we all have... I'm not the only one... Like... I'm the one that you guys know about... But... You know... I have... I have... You know... Aging parents... Um... I know they want to... Check out of this... I know they don't want to worry about it anymore... I want that for them... I want them to relax... And just enjoy their... Older years... They've certainly earned it... Um... Both of them... I have... Um...

[01:04:59] My husband... And... You know... Being in a relationship with him... Which... You know... If you guys knew me before Rico... And knew me in any of my past... Any of my past... You'd know that... Just having romantic relationships with me... Is challenging... Um... And I'll admit... It's me... Too... You know... It's not just the people I was with... Uh... I'm... I'm a mess... So... There's so many different things... That are being...

[01:05:29] You know... Corralled... And... Remolded... And... Shaped... Within this... And... Um... And many wonders... Like I'm... I... I... My friend Katie... She asked me... Like... Is this making you happy? I think that's what she said... Is this making you happy? Or is it really stressing you out? And... And... I looked at her... And I was just like...

[01:05:58] No... I'm not... I'm not happy right now... And I am very, very stressed out... Like... And if... And if that... Were the... The... The guiding... Thing right now... With me... Um... I... I would just give up... I said... You know... No... I'm... I'm not happy right now... And I am very stressed out... But here's the thing... Is that... The potential... Of what I can have...

[01:06:27] If I follow through... And I just keep pushing for this... And I just take one small bite at a time... And just chew it... And swallow... And keep going... The potential is... Awesome... And I know... That if I reach that... In any kind of form... Or any kind of flow... It will make me happy...

[01:06:57] That this is just the really sucky... Sucky part of it... But I've seen what can happen when you do it... And that's what I grew up in... That's what my parents did... And they did so successfully... For a very long time... And so I know what can happen... If you stick to it... And you work it... I know what the fruits are... And what they can be... I'm just overwhelmed... And it's a lot... And it's something that's very scary...

[01:07:27] In so many different ways... Even if it is successful... Because no matter how high you get... There's always that high you can fall... So... I... I'm looking forward to all of this... I know there's wonders... There's many that have been laced into the journey already... I am really excited... I mean... One of the big blessings in this... I mean... Everyone has been a blessing... I'm not even...

[01:07:57] I'm not even trying to... To color... Rico... Or my dad... Or anybody that I've had struggles with... As... As... Just struggle alone... They're blessings... They're just ultimate... Ultimate blessings... Everything about this is a blessing... But reminding yourself... That it's a blessing... Reminding yourself that... You should see things from gratitude... You should not focus... And... Like I said... Just... Swallow it... It's gone... It's in the past... We're moving on... We're looking ahead...

[01:08:26] It's done... You know... As far as the signs are concerned... They're up... Do they have more holes in them... Than they should... Yes... Am I happy about that... No... Do they need to be cleaned a bit... Yes... Do they need to be repainted... In places that got scraped... Yes... But they're up... They're up... And all those other things... I could get hung up on... How they happened... But it's done... It's done... You gotta move on... And I know...

[01:08:56] I know... That if you're not moving forward... You're sinking... You know... It's like a shark... You gotta keep moving... Because if you don't... You're gonna sink... And this has just been such a trial... And... I'm... Excited... Now... This last month... I'm really hoping... Guys... I'm announcing it here... Softly... Softly... Because... I really want this to happen... But...

[01:09:26] I'm gonna ask you guys that listen... To really pray for me in this... I really would like to open up... Open doors... Regularly... Starting in early October... I think it'd be really fun... To do workshops... That are all centered around crafting... And art... Geared around... The fall... And... You know... Halloween... And things like that... Whatever... Whatever celebrations... Whatever decor...

[01:09:56] And then you're moving into Thanksgiving... And all these different fun... Fun... Seasonal things... That you can make so many artful things out of... And... I really, really want to open in early October... And that's what... Me and Tara... What I was gonna say is... Tara... From... The Prism Hollow... Definitely follow The Prism Hollow... Definitely follow Tara... She has an Etsy page as well... Linking all these things... Trying to shout out my friends...

[01:10:25] Trying to make sure that everybody is... Happy... Whoever I host here... And getting into this... I mean... It's daunting... It's scary as hell... It's a lot still... But I'm excited... And... Tara... Is... Every time around her... I just feel at peace... Like she... I don't know... I don't know... I have... Nothing but confidence... In this... Um... Person... Uh...

[01:10:54] That is my friend... And... Who's gonna be... One of the artists that I'm hosting initially... And... Um... Who is gonna be... Teaching some workshops... Ultimately... She's the only one that I got... Like signed up for it... The rest is on me... But... I... I'm so excited to work with her... To see her more... To have more of a connection with her... It's just been such a blessing... And I just... I don't know... I... I can...

[01:11:24] The... The... What this can be... Becomes more and more awesome... By the day... I can't... Overly dream about it... Because I actually have to do... But man... Am I excited... And... What this could mean... For so many people... Is so awesome... What it could mean for my family... What it could mean for this building... All the different things... That it could produce... Is just... It's all my heart...

[01:11:54] Maybe that's why it is so hard... And maybe that's why I overthink it so much... But... I guess I'll leave you with what... My dad told me... Once we finally got the signs up... I... Maybe I should read it directly... Because it was very sweet... And he... Especially after he just went through... What he went through... It was... It was a... A major hour and a half... Of us wrestling with these signs... And my dad with a bad heart... He also has bladder cancer... That he's being treated for... And that... You know... It's...

[01:12:23] It's an ongoing thing... But he's... He's not fully... You know... Capable of doing a lot of this stuff... And he's just doing it for me... With me... And it's very... Very amazing... But he was very sweet to me... He said... You know... Because I... I had to text him... And I said... Dad, I love you... Thank you... Again... I do apologize for how hyper I was in the beginning... Everything looks great... And God willing... We'll be good for quite a time... You rest...

[01:12:52] You really are amazing, Dad... And then he answered back... No worries... You did great... Plus... You're great to work with... We just had to sort it out... And it does look great... Good job... I... I laughed at that comment... Because... I wasn't mad... But I was definitely... Like... I could feel my adrenaline... Coming down... After getting those signs up... Because I... There's just... Like I said... So much anxiety... And I know how much of a...

[01:13:21] Nut I am... When I am like that... I just... I get... I get... I get ridiculous... Um... Um... But I said... I'm well and tight these days... Thanks, Dad... And... This is what I'll leave you guys with... And this is something that... My parents... Uh... Keep saying to me... Even though... You know... I know that they... Want me to do this...

[01:13:51] As soon as possible... And... And... You know... Everybody's counting on this... But... You know... I think it's the reason... You know... This podcast has meant a lot... It's gone through all these different... Twists and turns... But... Ultimately... What it's supposed to stand for... Is showing you guys... That there is a lot... There is a lot... That goes into being awesome... There is a lot that goes into... Having success...

[01:14:18] There is so much... To... To... Risk... If you want to pursue your dreams... But... Is it worth it? Yes... And I've seen the furwitions of those things... And so this podcast is always to encourage you guys... To keep going... I'm doing it with you... I love... If this... This can inspire you to keep doing it... To know that you're not alone... Or to know that... There's somebody there that will...

[01:14:49] Kindly... You know... Absorb some of your anxieties... And things like that... As much as I can... And all the time I'm being... Vetted and being kinder towards that... Even in myself... And towards everyone... I'm learning more and more... About how to be humble... And... Just... Understanding... So my dad said... It's a very big undertaking... If it was easy... Everyone would do it... But it's not easy... And I understand...

[01:15:17] And it means a lot... Guys... To... Have somebody to talk to... Or listen to... Who you know... Does understand... And... Gets... How hard it is... And so for all of you out there... That are actively... Going after... Whatever... Your passion about...

[01:15:46] Whatever is on your hearts... I commend you... I think it's really awesome... I... I wish I was seeing you more often... But at this time in my life... Is... I'm... I'm not really able to do that... That's not what I'm being called to do... I have to... I have to seed this garden... And I have to make sure... All the foundation is there... But... You know... A lot of you might be there... Still... With me... So you understand what that is...

[01:16:14] Just know that you're not alone... Keep going... Keep listening... Keep asking... Keep looking up... Keep it powerful... I hope all of you have a fantastic week... God bless... I love you... And... Hopefully... I can record again... And have a more consistent podcast... Moving forward... Like I said... I'm not going to guarantee it... But... God willing...

[01:16:44] I will be back here... And talking at you all... In the future... All right... Diary listeners... Till the future... Again... No promises... But... Let's all pray for each other... Okay? Later... Thanks for listening... You can find the Apprenticeship Diaries... On Twitter... Facebook... And Instagram... Our IG is... The... Underscore... Apprenticeship... Underscore...

[01:17:14] Diaries... If you would like to offer... Constructive criticism... Or an interview... Drop us an email at... TheApprenticeshipDiaries... At gmail.com... We look forward to hearing... From our listeners... Talking about the People's... Here... Let's go... Thank you.